Alive
by Blastoh
Summary: Shepard fires the Crucible, and saves the galaxy from extinction, and while peace may be temporary, he is focused on building a new life. Post ME3: Destroy, Not for the fainted Paragon heart, Rated M for sex, language, and violence. I haven't seen a lot of good Renegade Sheps so I decided to have a go at it. First fanfic so let me know how I did (:
1. Recollection

Alive…

In less than a moment, finally everything seemed to slow down for me. My mind finally was able to get the rest it deserved for all these years, while my body felt all the soaring heat from the blast as I felt almost every bone, muscle, and cybernetic implant in between fall victim to the Crucibles flames. A small price to pay for a goddamn end to this war don't you think? I'll never forget seeing my first Reaper, 2 and a half years ago, Sovereign. I'll never forget seeing him (or it, ah whatever fuck it) die either. Biggest dreadnaught I ever seen for sure, took all we had to bring 'em down. Sacrificed the Council to do it too, and to this day I'm still under heavy scrutiny for it. No medals, just good ol' scrutiny. But what I did that day ushered humanity into a new golden age of social and financial prosperity, and also allowed us to procure a seat on the council. I placed Anderson on the seat on the Council as our first human Councilor for two reasons. Primarily as a Reaper sized fuck you to the traitor Udina as payback for grounding me and the Normandy before I tried to leave for Illos. The other was well, cause Anderson was like a father to me. Growing up on Earth, I didn't have shit to my name. Matter of fact, I didn't know my name till some nun at the orphanage I grew up in gave me this name, John Something Shepard, didn't care enough to remember my middle name, so I just stuck with the first and last. Whoever my amazing parents were, at least they birthed the Savior of the Galaxy; hope they feel proud for that.

Of course, I couldn't have done it by myself. With the help of my crew spanning various races such as Human, Quarian, Krogan, Turian, and of course Asari, we braved the galaxy tracking down then rogue Spectre, Saren Arterius. He was indoctrinated by the allure of the Reapers and fell to their influence. If there is one thing I can thank him for, it's for inadvertently giving me the chance to meet none other than the Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Ah yes, I can imagine it now like it was yesterday. That day on Eden Prime was pretty much the start of my fight against the Reapers, and my first encounter with Saren. On that day, there were a lot of losses. A young soldier Richard Jenkins, full of the enthusiasm and typical gung-ho attitude of young, fresh Alliance recruits, was taken out by Geth assault drones. Damn shame that was.. But just as soon as he was gone, I ran into Ms. Williams who was already engaged in battle with Geth troopers. Up until that point, I had never seen a more beautiful woman. Her beauty was..Versatile, to say the least. In more ways than one was she the most attractive woman I've had the pleasure of meeting. Her looks, her fighting ability, her body, poise, loyalty, dedication, all of that. An Alliance soldier through and through. God it was a total mess down there, but God bless the day Ashley Williams crossed her paths with me on Eden Prime. I met many beautiful women in my time, and I regret more than just half of them. But Williams was and still is a blessing in the truest form. I think back to that night me and her shared before Illos, I'm not usually one for that emotional, sappy shit but damnit, she sure was worth it. I noticed that she was the one I poured my heart into, the only one who deserved that. Liara T'soni would be disappointed to hear that, truth be told, I liked Liara a lot. In fact, I still harbor some of that attraction to her. But Ash, I saw her first, and even after I met Liara, Ash was the one I truly yearned for. Damnit, there I go again. Ah, well that night before Illos was the most intense, passionate love I could have made to another person at that time. "My captain, oh my captain." The words set me off, I couldn't take it anymore. Poetry and subtle flirtation were me and Ash's way of communicating our feelings without saying them. But I had to take her off her feet right then and there. I had to toss her onto the bed, handling her as if I were a Krogan with his quad on the line. Our fatigues came off quick, and the room became hotter and hotter as the seconds grained by. Lust and love were intertwined, just as our bodies were, and I could hear her gasps growing louder and louder in my ear after every meaningful stroke, as sweat raced down our bodies. After a while her moans were the only thing I could hear, the only thing that really mattered to me was showing this woman how much she meant through me and poetry just wasn't gonna cut it anymore. God I loved that woman. Alliance soldiers through and through.

Suddenly, more pain surged through my lungs as the fire inside me scorched its way up, it was as if I got spaced again like when the Collectors attacked on that faithful day. For two years I was gone, and literally the last thing I remember seeing from that night was watching Joker escape as I got blasted out the SR-1. The last thing I remember thinking about was how I will never get around to buying that ring for Ash... Just as soon as I lost consciousness, I regained it at the sight of a beautiful woman, possibly even more beautiful than Ash (and here I was thinking that was impossible) clad in from what I could see, a white and black lab suit, surrounded by a team of scientists. I looked to the right of me and seen a familiar insignia on the wall, it was Cerberus. Either I was dreaming or they finally got me and I'm one of their newest experiments, it didn't really matter which way, cause I couldn't keep myself awake to even worry about it all. None of that shit matters now, cause the past is certainly the past. After that night, my original life was over. I found myself teaming up with the same organization I swore myself to destroy one day, and falling in total unexpected love once again. But not with Ash, oh no no, for me and her were done after we met on Horizon. Thinking about it makes me want to biotic charge her ass, but sadly I can't even move my big toe without flinching from this damn pain. "I don't even know who you are anymore Shepard. I don't know whether you're Alliance or Cerberus, I don't know if you're even human anymore!" she was referring to the glowing orange scars I accumulated as a result of my now synthetic skin tissue that was a drawback of being spaced and getting put back together. Even my eyes were different. Since my retinas were as good as Asari jelly after the blast, I was outfitted with retinal implants that made my vision twice as good as before but also gave them a fiery shade of crimson. I liked this a hell of a lot better than blue actually, coulda been a galactic staring contest champion. "Come with me John, the Alliance will sort this out, _we'll_ sort this out." She knew that I was a hypotram when it came to a mission, I wouldn't stop until the mission was accomplished. And if I did stop then it was for, yup you guessed it, _her._ But shit was different: "No, you know I wouldn't be working with Cerberus unless there was a much bigger picture Ash. Human lives are dying while the Alliance sits on their asses and red tapes everything they get their hands on. They left me for dead and here you are judging me. Two years is a long time, but everything ended and started right back up for me in less than two _seconds! _" Her emotions ranged from hurt, confused, angry, and utterly destroyed that I wouldn't join her. "Fine, you know what, just leave. I don't see the man I lov- no _used_ to love in front of me anymore. I'm Alliance, and unlike you I won't change that. Look at you, you look like a.. like a damn husk!" At that moment, I knew it was over, what we had, what we shared, over. The fact I contemplated love and marriage made me want to toss warps at myself. I never blamed myself for people dying or held regret over tossing away all those lives on Torfan because losses are forever, and are natural causes of war, it's a cold assessment, but war itself is a classroom that teaches the hardest lessons. "Ha. Uh huh, alright Williams, hopefully you won't have to eat those words when a _REAL _husk and another hundred Collectors shit all over you and Horizon again while I'm gone." I was seething in fury, my biotics were flared beyond control, and my heart and mind both came in agreement that they'll never allow this to happen again. Before she could say a word, I stormed off, my squad in tow, leaving the stranger Ashley Williams somewhere, standing in shock behind me.

And who was there to pick up the pieces? Miranda Lawson, the beautiful woman in the white and black skin-tight catsuit. The woman who played God and brought me back to life, The woman who I just so happened to fall in love with. She put up so many emotional walls just so I could break them all down. Didn't matter how long, as long as they came down I couldn't complain. She was always so cold, so distant, yet was quick to assert herself. In a way, she reminded me of myself, we're both dedicated to our work and distractions are blocked out and kicked away. Her long, black hair, he perfect genetically tailored body, along with the steel blue eyes that reminded me of my own before the crimson scorched it away. The exotic Australian accent that spoke with confidence and cold conviction but softened and warmed up greatly when it came to me. Ever since I won her trust when I helped keep her sister Oriana safe from their suffocating control freak father (who is thankfully now dead), she showed me a different side of her, a human one. A side that she showed only me and I took pride In knowing that I got to know the real Miranda Lawson.

She was a complex woman, and she sure as hell didn't make it easy for me even after we finally confirmed our strong, growing feelings for each other and pursued a relationship, but I was actually starting to fall for the woman, and it was easy to tell she was falling just as fast. I still remember the night before we set course for the Onega 4 Relay. I set course for the Omega Nebula, and turned around to go to the elevator. Next thing I know, Miri pops up in front of me and tells me she "cleared" the engineering deck. "I should've known you wouldn't settle for the captain's quarters Ms Lawson." I smiled as she rubbed her hand across my chest. "I only settle for the best John, see you in 5 minutes." She withdrew her hand and gave me a quick but lustful kiss before she turned back into the elevator, and winked at me. I wasn't about to waste time either, I told Joker and EDI to give me some privacy while I.. prepared for the upcoming mission. She was waiting by the drive core, examining it from the railing, back turned to me, she knew I was there but she wanted me to make the first move. I grabbed her from behind and kissed her neck, allowing my hands to caress her perfect body, letting her know how bad I wanted this, and her through my following actions. She turned around to face me, and placed her lips upon mine, tugging at my lips with her teeth and sucking on my bottom lip with all her sultry might. I sat her up on the railing for a second to help unzip her catsuit, but she wouldn't have it, instead she threw a small biotic push to my chest sending me to the floor. It didn't hurt, but only increased the intimacy as she pounced on me as I hit the floor, proceeding to kiss me even more intense. She pulled up from my lips to look down at me with all the lust in the world, to unzip the rest of her suit, exposing her breasts and a black, see through bra. She unhooked it and tossed it aside. Next thing I know she was taking off her boots while I did the same with mines. I was in such a rush I almost tore off my pants, but Miri wanted to do it herself, she pulled my shirt over my head, and helped slide my pants and my boxers off. Now we were both naked, no fabric between me and her. I don't know how many men she was with before me (not saying she was a whore) but this woman knew what she was doing. She rode me gracefully but forcefully, establishing herself as the only woman in the galaxy as of now that held the right to call herself my lover. Before this moment, she probably was ashamed to admit she was jealous of Ash because of what me and her shared, but now, I hoped I convinced her that Ash didn't matter to me in that way anymore, Miranda knows where she stands with me and that's by my side. It was my turn to establish dominance; I placed her in a stasis above me, then grabbed her myself and laid her down, positioning myself in the missionary position. I grabbed her legs and held them up while I inserted myself inside her smoothly, gaining tempo as each stroke went by. I let go of her legs, and soon they wrapped around my waist, she was a slim waisted woman, with thickness and definition in the right places. Her thighs were the perfect combination of the too, and I'll be the first to say that I'm an ass kind of guy. And if catching myself gazing at Miri's taught me anything, its that her's would almost kill me one day. Soon enough I could feel our climax approaching and I knew it was time to pick up the pace. She gasped my name in my ear, and I flared my biotics just enough to enhance my strokes without providing more pain over pleasure. This set her off, and I could feel her tightening her grip on my back with her hands, she started digging into my skin with her nails, no doubt there were claw marks on my back. A minute later she erupted from within, I continued and her voice began to give out, and her body was growing weak from pleasure. Moments later, I too erupted within her. If I was to die the night after, at least I went out with this beautiful woman in my arms, whispering in my ear that she loved me, fiercely, and unconditionally.


	2. Lost But Found

AN: _Honestly, I didn't want my Shep to turn out like a typical Renegade would, but I didn't want him to be a Paragade either. It seemed like other people's Paragades were Paragons, while the few Renegades I seen lacked true depth and tried a little too hard to be the ultimate badass. I also felt as though Miranda was the best possible romance for Shepard because of how they started in ME2, and they could of evolved a lot more smoother given proper writing of the two's storyline in ME3. Liara's romance was forced, and it felt as though I was obligated to pursue her, and every other character was honestly swept under EA's rug. Bioware is a great company don't get me wrong, but ME1 stood superior to the other two because of how much free reign they were given. Anyways, Miranda is a woman that was bred for perfection, and unfortunately couldn't have kids on her own, making family life with Shepard complicated unless adoption was presented as an option. Her internal demons were suppressed when he told her she was beautiful, regardless of her fathers hand in her genes. Of course Shepard grew up with no mother or father figure, and she ran away from her father, essentially she doesn't have a true family either outside of Oriana._ _Okay, now back to the story enjoy, and leave your comments/reviews (;_

Chapter 2

**Lost but Found **

_*cough* *cough* _"Shit, Hello? Normandy? Joker?" *cough* *cough*

"Is anyone on this line? Fifth Fleet? Ad- *cough* Hackett?"

"Hell- Shepard? Wha- your location?"

Finally a damn response.

"I..I don't know..Rubble is everywhere but..I think.. I think I'm back on Earth, where the beam to the*cough* *cough* was..Probably, not sure though."

"Jus- hold on She- med evac ETA Fi- Minutes. Is An-son with you?"

All of a sudden a more heavier object than this rubble fell on my heart, guilt. Anderson died because the Illusive Man thought he could play God and controlled my hand, swaying my pistol towards David's direction. Maybe he coulda made it out alive, If only.. _Fuck._

_Citadel- 5 hours ago.._

"Look at you. You're a damn puppet. No better than the Collectors, and you're damn sure no better than Saren either."

"NO Shepard! I'm Humanity' holy grails in flesh and bone. Only I can control them, I knew it since you gave me the Collector base! I am _SALVATION."_

"I may have believed in you once, but that was when you were still human. Listen to yourself, they've got you by the collar, you can't even control your words."

"On the contrary Shepard, I control more than you think."

Suddenly, he reached towards me, from a distance, as if calling to me. My own body was under his control! I was in shock, my hands raised my Carnifex towards David, and I knew what was going to happen.. My fingers pulled the trigger, but my mind took the bullet. Anderson flinched in pain and and let out a grown. I shook my head and cursed under my breath.

"You…You've doomed us all. Humanity, the galaxy, all of us. Every single being breathing, dead..For what? Because you think you can control them? They've already got their teeth into you.'

"You think you know everything Shepard, but I've already gotten the Reaper fleet under my control, firmly in my grasp. Every single one, even Harbinger! I can stop them right now, I can save Earth!"

"Then do it. Pull the lever, end all of this now!"

He reached for the lever to fire the Crucible, but pulled back before he even got close. He grunted loudly, as if he just got stabbed in the back, but I knew it was too late for him right at that very moment.

"You can't, _they_ won't let you. Ha, poetic justice. I gave you that Collector base for nothing, fucking fool."

"ENOUGH! No, no, no, no, no! I don't need the Crucible, I can do this, but unfortunately for you Shepard, there is no room for you in the future. My future. Goodbye, _Comm-"_

Before he could even pull the trigger, or finish that sentence for that matter, I shot the bastard. I'm not sure how I broke from his control, I guess my infamous rage has saved me once again.

It was over, it was finally over. Well, that exchange was over, but the mission wasn't. I stumbled over to the console where the Crucible firing lever was, and I pulled it with an urgency to end this fuckin' war.

"It's..Earth..It's so beautiful Shepard..If only you could see it the way..I do."

With that, the man I only knew as the Illusive Man, passed away behind me. He may have been a good man once, and we could have been something at least remotely close to friends in a different life.

I fell back, towards Anderson but I regained my composure, then I sat down next to him slowly. God I was tired, so damn tired.

*sigh* "Looks like its finally..Over Shepard."

"Yeah, time for that vacation, if Hawaii isn't too fucked up."

"Heh. Damn, feels like. Haven't been able to sit down..For so long, ever since this all started."

"Yeah..Seems that way. Isn't too late to start a family you know."

"Ah, it's a little too late for that. That ship has sailed John. But you, you can do it.. There's hope for the future Shepard.. Hell of a lot of time too. Peace at last, and..You can give your kids, your sons, your daughters, that future… You.. You've made me so proud, and I know..You always will son."

I turned my head quickly, dumbfounded by what was just said. Did he..Just call me son? Whether he just let the word slip, or he has finally said out loud that he considers me the son he never had. He was always a father figure for me, in fact, he was the only man who I would ever call dad, regardless of if we were father and son by blood. But until now, words weren't needed to confirm our relationship. We knew how close we were, he picked me up, dusted me off, believed in me, risked his life and career for me. And now, he has died in front of me, bringing things within a full vicious circle. The man was gone, or was at least on his way, upon hearing "son" I felt a tear coming along. I have never cried, actually I might have before, but I have no recollection of it. I just lost a man who I might as well call my father.

"Anderson? David? Hey, c'mon."

"*grunts*"

His head falls over slowly to his right. He was gone.

_Citadel-Present._

The memory will haunt me forever. I contributed to his death, Anderson's death..  
Miri would have told me to let my guilt go, since I had nothing to feel guilty over. The Illusive Man shot him, not me. My hands were just the tool, an instrument. Soon enough I blacked out again, but the damndest thing happened, I could swore I heard shuttles in the air..


	3. Revive

**3: Revive**

I was slipping in and out of consciousness for I don't know how long. And there were voices all around me, barking orders back and forth, and I could tell it was more than one platoon of soldiers and medics alike out there searching for me. I could hear the sound of debris getting tossed around, sending shockwaves of pain throughout my head as it felt like the worst headache one could have ever experienced. I was intoxicated with sheer annoyance as I wished that the clanging of metal could just stop and that they would let me fucking die already. But all thoughts of perishing were washed away as one voice seemed to soothe the chaos in my mind.

"No time for resting, move the rest of the bloody debris!"

An Australian in the middle of war torn London at the site of Commander Shepard's crash landing? Yep, it was Miri alright.

"Of course, my throat was too dry to even speak, and if it wasn't, the pain in my lungs would have shouted at me from within telling me to shut the fuck up. She said she would be here when I least expected it, but she would ensure her damn self that I would make it out alive, even if she had to biotically throw a Reaper to do it. Sure enough, she was here to make due on her promise, and was the first person here to rescue me.

"Do you even have clearance to call the shots around here? I never seen you a day in my life lady." Obviously he didn't know who the woman barking orders was, otherwise he would've kept his mouth shut. Lest he risked the Ice Queen's wrath.

"Question me again and I'll bury you with the Reapers, but just so you'll know, its Admiral Hackett's orders, now keep searching." Oh dear Miranda, don't you ever change.

"If you want something done right ***ineligible grumbling***"

"Oh Shepard, come on, come on, you still have a promise to keep damnit."

"Ms Lawson, I think I picked up the heat signature from whats left of Shepard's suit." Said an unfamiliar voice.

"What? Move aside human! My Battlemaster isn't gonna die from rubble."

Grunts here too? God, there may be a chance more people made it, but I gotta know for sure. The tank-bred Krogan considered me to be his father as well as his Bsttlemaster. I may not look like a Krogan but I was fine with him considering me as his only parent. Okeer wasn't exactly father of the year material either. I mean hey, we killed thresher maws on foot so what better bonding experience can you think of?

"If I know Shepard, then I know that's the last thing that's gonna kill him! He's too Krogan to die from fallen metal."

Wrex too? Ha, "too Krogan." It felt good to have friends like these, and a woman like Miranda. Gave me something to fight for, to look forward to once all the smoke has cleared. I knew the prices for the drinks were gonna be real steep and knowing my incredibly great nature, I was gonna be the one that offered to pay.

"I'm not gonna lose the best damn friend I could ever have this day, lets get John's ass out of this rubble and into the bar cause I'm not drinking alone tonight."

Good, Garrus is still alive. Me and Garrus were always close, and I could tell there was something about the brash, young Turian the day I met him on my way to see the old Council. He carried the same kind of attitude that I always held on to. Getting the job done no matter what the stakes were. Ruthlessness had its own rewards, but I had to teach Garrus how to channel his own aggression into getting the desired results. Going in guns blazing is always effective, but a cold, and calculated mind could form many more solutions. I also taught him that doubts are mental obstacles that can kill a man from the inside and eventually out. Years ago, he was tracking down a rogue mad Salarian geneticist named Saleon, who eluded capture from C-Sec after committing heinous acts against his employees, effectively cloning body parts from within. If the results were a success then the body parts were sold on the black market. If not, then the host would undergo dire consequences to say the least. Garrus was struck with red tape right from the start and had to work his way through the investigation. He finally found the location of Saleon's lab and pursued him, but Saleon destroyed the lab, gathered his subjects, and fled the Citadel. Garrus wanted the ship shot down, but C-Sec forbid it, claiming the wreckage was too close to the station. I told Garrus that the man had to be stopped, and while blowing up that ship near the Citadel was risky, everyone on board were better off dead than what we found on that ship.. Speaking of, I told Garrus we would track Saleon down and administer justice, and when we finally found his ship adrift in space, we also found the remains of the crew on board. They resembled Thorian creepers, which were also found on Feros, and as their name suggests, were thralls of the now dead Thorian which was found under the colony Zhu's Hope. Nasty business that was, almost had to eliminate the whole colony but I was able to leave some survivors, not much though unfortunately. Anyways, so we found Saleon after dispatching his former crew, and like any cornered rat, pleaded not guilty.

"Enough Saleon, your life, and your experiments are now over."

"What? Please, you _have _to believe me! I had nothing to do with those, those things!"

"Yeah, uh huh, right. Sorry Doctor but its not up to me whether you live or die. Garrus, I trust you'll do the honors."

"With pleasure."

Within seconds, shots were fired, and a single body hit the floor with a thud. Our work there was done.

"First, he's going to recover, with me. Once he's stable, you can all get bloody drunk for God's sake. C'mon keep searching.. John where the hell are you?"

I could hear her sobs, she has been crying for a while I could tell. Whether they were out of sorrow that I could be dead, or from the joy of news that I was alive was hard to tell. But damn, do you guys mind getting this _damn_ rubble off me already?

"FOUND HIM. Heh, heh, heh, SHEPARD!"

Grunt was pulling me out of the rubble, or the rubble off of me, with his bare hands. Figured, who needs a biotic when you have "raw physical supremacy" at your beck and call? I may be a skilled biotic but I guess James was right at least on this occasion.

"John?! Move over, get the stretcher, let me see him, is he breathing?"

She was breathing heavily, and was talking out of confusion, concern, and relief that I was alive. She couldn't get her words together, I opened my eyes just a tiny bit to see her perfect face, to see the perfect woman. Her face twisted in shock, obviously I must looked like shit, worse than I anticipated. I hated to see her like this, everyone else as well. But I was alive, and it was better than nothing..

"His pulse is fading, revive him quick! Get the defibrillators, medi-gel, and that damn stretcher! We need to get his pulse back, John, im NOT losing you damnit!"

The last thing I heard before fading off again..


	4. A Long Time Coming

**4. A Long Time Coming**

_Normandy, 1400 hours approximate-_

"She most likely doesn't want to talk about it James, to her she just lost a friend, granted her former lover. In time, when Ashley is ready she will talk about it."

"Yeah but I mean c'mon Blues, we can't let her sit over there and drink herself to death. Her and Shepard were close, I get that. But he wouldn't want us grieving ourselves in to joining him. _IF_ he was truly gone."

*sighs* "Yes I suppose you're right, if only we were able to join him on the ground teams though. Garrus would never let Shepard go on like how he did, so it's no wonder that he escaped before we took off. I hope they're all okay.."

Liara tries to hold back overwhelming tears. Over the years her former self was suppressed by her new information broker persona. No longer the shy, and emotionally vulnerable scientist she was before Shepard's death, and no doubt her pursuit of the Shadow Broker only furthered her change. But she was always infatuated with Shepard, feelings drifted towards a sincere and genuine affection for the man. One that he couldn't return, _at the time_. Liara always harbored jealousy for Ashley due to them being in a serious relationship, one that Liara wished she could have with the man, but she cast away her feelings in the name of the mission, putting the others, and Shepards happiness before her own.

She had witnessed Shepard's death firsthand, and her former feelings for the man intensified, and she couldn't let him go. She thought that maybe his body could turn up somewhere, on a planet, or adrift in space, anywhere really. A soul like Shepard's wouldn't die so easily, and his body would no doubt be encased in his armor, leaving some measure of the man to be recovered. She figured the best way to find him, was to gather information, and Illium was a world that thrived on it. Agents were everywhere on the planet, waiting to do their employers bidding, and Liara had her sheer abundance of connections over the years. Realizing that she could use these newfound resources to further her search efforts greatly, Liara quickly became one of the most ruthless information brokers on Illium and in the galaxy for that matter. Soon, it came down to cutting a deal with Cerberus over handing Shepard's mangled body over to them for revival. While she was initially distrustful of Cerberus motives (for obvious reasons), she trusted them over the enigmatic Collectors, whom wanted Shepard's body for their own sinister reasons. Soon enough, Shepard was brought back from the dead, and Liara couldn't be more happier. Once he returned to her on Illium, she couldn't help herself as she let go of her cold persona, and fluttered back to her old caring self. She asked for privacy so she could be with John alone for a moment.

"I know I've been gone but I-"

Before he could even finish his sentence Liara rushed into him, pulling his waist into hers, with all her might she hugged him, and almost broke the back of the great Commander Shepard. Tears flowing, she took advantage of John's brief silence and pulled his face in for a kiss that contained all her affections for the man that were brushed aside due to his and Williams relationship. Shepard was utterly shocked to say the least, he couldn't have guessed this would have happened, but he knew of her feelings and he knew he still had some for her. He ultimately gave in and returned the kiss.

_Shepard POV-_

Did she just? What the? Am I really? Oh shit. I was at a loss for words, Why are you doing this Liara? This is definitely wrong and as cliché as this may sound, it feels so _right._ Ash was the one, but damnit Liara was always in the back of my mind, always enticing me with her body language, she looked at me like no one else, considering how we bonded our minds, or ahem, "Embraced Eternity" or whatever. She seen into my mind, and she shared hers with mine. She wanted me to see her feelings for me, how she thought of me, various emotions and none of them negative when I was brought to mind. I gave in to the kiss, and we were going at it for a bit, I laid her on the table and caressed her finely toned, exotic body. I kissed her neck, and took in her skin with my lips, sucking on her blue skin. She had never been with anyone like this, and whether a relationship was blooming out of this or not, I'd rather not say. I was never one to juggle relationships, my life was too fast paced for that. I kept up with Ash because we were on the same ship and been through tough shit together. Same with Liara, but we melded minds as I said before, so what was going on felt like something out of a dream, except it was made into a reality.

_Liara POV-_

He's here! Flesh and blood and bone, by the Goddess! The touch and feel of Shepard, I could never convey in words. I knew I was wrong for this, he and Ashley were, or, are an item. I'm confused, and I know John is as well, but I've wanted this one moment for so long. A chance for me to be selfish for once, a moment of happiness for me a two years of searching and mourning have been rectified by this very kiss. Oh Goddess Shepard..If only I could have you, if only you chose... No, no time for that. You're here Shepard, and finally you know the truth… _I love you Shepard. _

Suddenly the two broke off for a second, inhaling through their mouths, recovering lost air. No words needed to be said, as Shepard came to Liara not because he needed something, but because he wanted to see her. He was driven to check up on her, to see how she took his two year absence. Now he knows the true extent of her feelings for him, and his for her as well. But he had Ashley on his mind and Miranda as well. After Horizon, he stuffed Williams into a mental care package and sent her away, drifting in a sea of memories hoping that she would be lost forever in the darkest depths of his memories. As if on a scale of affection, Ashley's weight was dropped and Liara's soared. The growing tension between the two was shattered by another kiss, still as passionate as the last. Shepard cursed himself for bringing Miranda along, but was glad she wasn't in the room. Lawson suspected T'soni's feelings for the man when she overseen Shepard's delivery to Cerberus, and would no doubt have to hide her seething jealousy at what the sight of the two kissing. While Shepard was definitely single, he was trying to develop something with Miranda, and this would only complicate things further. He didn't want to string either woman along, but that was a problem for another time. They broke apart again, John backed up a few steps to avoid another kiss.

"Wow. I never thoug-"

"You did Shepard, you knew it right when you walked in. You just weren't going to make the first move, so I did."

"You have changed after all.. Why not sooner? When I was still figuring things out on the Normandy two years ago?"

"Shepard.. I wanted to, but Williams was so happy with you, and I felt like it was already too late for..Us. But when you..Died I became more and more attached. I couldn't let you go John. I was never the jealous nor the, what is the human term? The "homewrecking" type, but I cant help myself John."

"Liara, you never know what could happen. Damnit you should have told me how you felt! I didn't want to have things end up like this. I'm not mad at you though, no reason to be. Look, we need to talk, I can see you have changed, so let's take this a little bit slower.."

"Shepard I.. You're right. All that was unfair of me to lay on you so soon. What can I do for you?"

And just like that Liara was back to business.

"I can ask you the same thing."

"We can talk about that but at a different time, without witnesses or other..Possible breaches of our privacy. As you can see though, I am a information broker. But there is one thing I will tell you now, no one can be trusted here."

She gathered his hands as if she was holding them romantically with her own, a clever guise to mask her slipping a note to Shepard.

"Huh. I see." He said, taking her hint of discretion. "Oh uh, I was wondering if you knew anything about a Justicar in the area, or at least somewhere around here. I'm looking for her."

"Ah yes, she's tearing through Eclipse mercenaries as we speak. She is indeed quite powerful, with chivalry to match, would have been a pleasure meeting her. My contacts told me he would be at the location marked on this datapad. Good luck in finding her John."

"Right. Thanks Liara."

" Anytime John, but look I'm sorry to cut this short, truly, but I have an important call to make, and more business that I've been procrastinating on. Come by later?"

"Yeah, right, I'll see you _soon._"

He gave her a confident, strong smile. But it was different than the ones he usually gave her in the past. It was the one that he gave only Williams, the one she knew could melt away her newly adopted icy persona, and could lift her from the seat, making her rush into him again. But she composed herself, she was content with the thought that Shepard had finally taken interest in her.


	5. Barely Human

_AN: I hope I didn't confuse anyone too badly in that last chapter, I wrote it pretty quickly and I should've paid more attention to what I was typing. That last chapter was pretty much a flashback to Liara and Shepard reuniting on Illium and how much chemistry there really is between the two. Liara may be an alien, but she is not any different than a human on the emotional spectrum. She truly loves John, and would do anything for him, but it haunts her that the man just can't seem to make it official between the two, mostly due to the fact of his already established relationships with Ashley and Miranda, and another relationship with Liara would complicate things greatly. Shepard may be cold, and ruthless, but he's a great guy to be around, he's funny, laid back, and a hard ass when he needs to be. He is also as you can see capable of feeling unconditional love for another. There's more to a Renegade Shepard than people are willing to see, and I hope to bring out these qualities._

**5. Barely Human**

_Winston L.S. Churchill Hospital, 1600 hours approximate-_

After waking up a hundred goddamn times just to fall back out of consciousness, I eventually woke up in a much different setting. I was obviously on a stretcher, and it felt like angels were moving me down what seemed to be a hallway leading to heaven. Hmph, monsters don't go to heaven though, but throughout the years I've spent in service, you learn that there are no atheists in a foxhole. So it wouldn't hurt to look up at the stars and pray every once in a while. I could barely make out the voices, but I believe I heard Krogans, Grunt and Wrex no doubt. A female with an Australian accent, no doubt in my mind that's Miri, and is that a Turian? Oh my God Garrus how the hell did you get off the ship? If I wasn't this fucked then I would have shot a rocket at the other side of his face myself, but I'm beyond glad that he's alive right now so I can kill him later.

"Get us any decent room that we can operate in, and hurry! He's losing blood fast."

Miranda was no doubt the one shouting orders, and I could hear a lot of feet shuffling to her order.

"Right this way everyone, into the decontamination chamber, we have a special E.R. room for him. We have to clean everyone including Shepard's body of contaminants."

Suddenly, the stretcher I was on took a hard turn to the left and I felt my right hand getting squeezed again. I shifted to the right a bit but everything was so blurry but I could make out Miranda's figure. I could hear her pleading for me to stay alive over and over in my head like a broken record.

"John please, please, you can do this.."

I heard a familiar French accent, it sounded like.. Ah shit who was it.. Oh right, Dr Michele from the Citadel. Damn at least its her and not some ragtag "all we got left" team of doctors. Shit, besides Karin, she's the only other doctor I would consider on the Normandy.

"His condition is terrible, but we can stabilize him, try and stop the bleeding. It'll take a while to patch up the rest of the injuries however. But if we can get to work as fast as we can,, then we can definitely save him."

Hm, she's quite the optimist.

"I'm sorry but only authorized medical personnel are allowed in this room, its best if we have less people in the room to help us concentrate. I know you're all friends of the Commander and I myself am forever indebted to the man, so I will do my absolute best to save him. You all have my word, and I will keep you all posted on his status."

I could hear numerous "okay's" as the stretcher moved further down the hallway and into a dark lit room.

"Decontamination process, beginning."

A minute later passed and I was moved forward into a much brighter room where I assumed this is where I would be operated on. Miranda was still with me, no doubt due to her being the one that pieced me back together during the Lazarus Project. If anyone knew my body better than Dr Chawkwas with all her routine exams, then it was Miranda.

"Don't worry John, I'm here… And I'm never going to leave your side again."

The volume of her voice lowered into a whisper that I could hear clearly from my left ear, she clearly wanted only me to hear this.

"I love you John, forever and always."

I gathered what little strength remained to shift over to my left side, and I let out a low grunt, it was painful but worth it. It honestly felt like I had an Omni-blade lodged in my torso, with a hundred thermal clips worth of gunfire in my back.

"John? Oh my God, don't push yourself, please just.. Just.."

Her pleads became muffled by intense sobs, and I could tell she was barely holding it all together.

"Shepard."

"What?"

Wait, how the hell am I even speaking?

"We have returned to bestow upon you your reward. You saved this cycle; you stopped the inevitable, impressive. Clearly, we underestimated your resolve."

Everything turned dark, real dark. I looked around and watched the dark silhouettes of the operating team and Miranda slowly fall back into the background of the operating room. I recognized this darkness, it meant Leviathan was near.

"Why are you here Leviathan? You said you would leave after the Reapers were dispersed. What more must we discuss?"

The Leviathan version of Ann Bryson stalked out of the darkness and approached me.

"We must discuss your reward, as previously mentioned. You have done exceptionally well Commander John Shepard. We learned of your accomplishments through access of human lore that was focused on you. You are an owner of many titles, and we will bestow the most prestigious of them all on you. We shall recognize you as the Pathfinder, the t'ktolog'ika as the Protheans called it. You must guide this galaxy through the many trials and tribulations that are to come."

"The Pathfinder? What exactly must I do?"

"Like the animal you humans know as "sheep" the rest of the galaxy will follow you Shepard, for their lives are forever in debt to you. You will guide them, and they will listen, your natural drive and lack or moral inhibitions will serve you well in this new role. Your current lifespan however, is insufficient."

"You expect me to change that?"

"No, it is not in your power to. We cannot expand our own lifespan for we are ageless, but we can greatly enhance a lesser species physiology. Effectively making you what the humans would refer to as "God". Your lifespan can rival those of countless generations of the Asari race, your biotics will be increased greatly, and you shall be what the Intelligence feared. The perfect Organic, the Pathfinder."

"All because I defeated the Reapers? Why grant someone so much power?"

"Because you passed the test Shepard. This is your reward, and now your duty. These sheep will either destroy themselves or will be destroyed by another. This will not happen under your watch, accept your destiny, or continue on with your current existence. The choice is yours, choose wisely human."

I couldn't wrap my mind around this I could become a God! This couldn't be a dream because I knew of the Leviathan's psychic abilities, but I could never had guessed they could rewrite my entire genetic make-up. Who or _what_ the hell am I dealing with here?

"If you can do all this, then why couldn't you have destroyed the Reapers? Apparently you're the real Gods here, you could have wiped them out on a whim. Were the Reapers truly that unstoppable or were you just holding back? I want the truth."

"The Reapers were designed in our likeness, and possessed nearly the same abilities we have. They were bred for war and destruction, not to preserve life, let alone enhance it. The Intelligence became a wayward avatar of hate and distrust for organics, and created the Reapers to control them, deeming them too "chaotic and unpredictable". If we were to fight back, we would have met our equals, and our techniques would have been lost forever. We wanted to pass on our legacy to a being deserving of it. We waited countless cycles for an organic to prove itself worthy enough for our gift, and you did not disappoint, and now we shall pass on to you our legacy."

The Intelligence hated life. That made sense, it seemed like when I was offered control over the Reapers, it was only to trick me into becoming a tool, as if I was just a mock ruler. Having got rid of its greatest enemy, the Intelligence would forever hold power over the Reapers, and me. Synthesis just seemed too good to be true as well. So I'm supposed to run into a beam and suddenly organics and synthetics will be the best of fuckin friends forever right? Yeah no, I'm not falling for it. Matter of fact, what's up with everything having to do with running through so many damn beams lately?

"Hm, I see.." 

"So what is your decision?"

"This could be a trick… But then again you haven't deceived me yet, and strangely enough, I trust what you say. What's the catch?"

"We want nothing in return nor shall we ask. Your life is still your own, but your objectives are clear. You shall do what you have always done, and that's protect the existence and progress of all organic life everywhere."

"And the synthetics? The Intelligence told me they would be deactivated along with the Reapers after the blast. It also said that the Relays would be significantly damaged."

"The Intelligence lied Shepard. It said what it could to dissuade you from destroying _it's_ forces, but you resisted, your will is truly indomitable. The synthetics will be reactivated in a couple hours, and shall continue their own existence. The Relays are being cleansed of the Reaper code, which allowed them to campaign through the galaxy from whatever reaches of dark space they came from."

"I see… Very well, I accept."

"Are you sure? This is your chance to-"

"I accept."

"So it shall be done. Our thanks human, we thought this day might have never come. And for this human female you care for so dearly, "Lawson" we believe her name to be, we shall also give her a gift.

"Wait what?"

"We know you do not wish to outlive her, and we also know of her inability to conceive your own legacy. We shall rectify what her fool father has done."

"So you'll expand her lifespan and cure her infertility? 

"The former shall be done but she is capable of curing her infertility on her own, she just has to procure the necessary information. The Salarian scientist, Mordin Solus devised a solution. It is located in your Spectre Terminal on the Citadel. We made sure to keep track of this information so we may present it to you at a decent time."

"Th- Thank you. So much."

"You are welcome Pathfinder."

"So what now?"

"Now, we depart, but not before giving you our gift. _Ravalk't'soji _t'ktolog'ika. You shall awaken now, your wounds are now healed. You will notice the changes in your being soon enough. Goodbye human."

And with that the darkness was instantly lifted. The pain was gone and the silhouettes of Miranda and the other doctors were returned to their original positions. I opened my eyes and blinked rapidly, the lights of the E.R. room were blinding me. It was as if I've been asleep for a hundred years, and I woke up in a new world.

"Oh my- John!"

"What the fu-"

Before I could finish my favorite curse word, Miranda's arms came around my neck and she pulled me into an embrace. Finally I could rest easy, for now it looked like the galaxy was gonna be in peace, if only for a little while.

"John, I-"

"Shh."

I interrupted her with a quick, soft kiss.

"I love you too Miri. Forever and always."

AN:_ I hope that chapter didn't turn you guys off, I let my imagination run wild on that one. I know that everyone has their own ideas of Shepard's life after ME3, and I always felt it was unfair that we were given the 3 endings (now 4 if you count Refusal) since they didn't do Shepard or the whole trilogy any justice. But if there's one thing I'm thankful for, its that the endings were so… Unfinished, that it gave people like me to let our imaginations plan a life for Shepard in the aftermath of the game. Whether he lived or died, or in this case became a God is completely up to you and what you think should happen. Oh and, this story is far from over (: leave me some feedback._


	6. I'm Still Me

**6. I'm Still Me**

"It's finally over John, you've done it."

Her tears were pure, and the Ice Queen has once again melted away another of her walls. But this time was different, she was crying in front of other. To someone that didn't know who she was, this would just be an ordinary thing, but to those that did know Miranda Lawson, they would know that this shit is definitely surreal. Never the less, I pulled her closer into me to assure her that everything's gonna be okay, Finally.

"Hey, don't worry, it's okay. We're okay, and this shit is over. You and me we can finally have try out a normal life."

"Haha. Still an ass."

"You love it."

"And you."

We shared another kiss, this one longer and harder than the others. Our tongues intertwined with each other. Dr. Michel stepped up to ask me something but she seemed to be at a loss for words. Apparently I was as good as dead on the operating table, and right before they began to operate on me I sprung up, with all the vigor in the world and here I am. My armor was still as good as shit but my wounds were healed. I ripped off the armor that was formerly melded to my skin with ease, I didn't feel a thing. I could see the look of confusion on everyone's faces, I was gonna have a hard time explaining this one later.

"What?"

"Uhm, nothing Commander its just moments ago you were almost dead and unrecognizable on the table. But none the less it's a miracle that you're alive, and I could speak for anyone here when I say that you are a hero and we are forever thankful."

"Thanks Dr. Michele."

"Please, you know you can call me Chloe."

"Thanks Chloe."

I shot her a smile and turned back to Miri. Her and Chloe had tears in their eyes. They guys in the room went from shocked to cheery, they even started roaring in victory. Besides the Reapers getting wiped out, my revival was the best thing that has happened for them in a very long time obviously.

"Damn my head hurts. Ugh, I think I'ma go back to sleep, after I get a drink of course."

Everyone laughed, it was good to hear something on a much happier note after all that's happened.

"Hold on Mister Hero, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine mom, in fact I feel great. If you want me to prove it I'll just go wrestle Wrex and Grunt at the same time."

"Ha, no it's okay I believe you John. You'll have to save your strength for a real challenge later."

She winked seductively at me, just enough to let me know that this woman doesn't waste time at all. There was an internal struggle though, I had to figure out whether I wanted to break the news to Miri first, or save it for after sex. Eh, I'll go with sex.

"Yes ma'am."

I kissed her again and held her tightly, I wasn't letting go anytime soon, unless someone got me my damn drink already, geez.

"Commander I almost forgot, your friends are outside the decontamination chamber waiting for news of your condition."

"Thanks Chloe I'll go see 'em personally. Let them know that I'm okay for me, and please, call me John."

"Of course John. We should give them some privacy, come everyone."

Soon it was just me and Miranda in the room together. Now, I'm not sure if now is a good time to tell her or not… Should I? Ah, well I suppose it could wait a lifetime. Heh, good one Johnny.

"Sooo."

"So."

"Is now the time orrrr-"

"Right time, wrong place."

"Well there isn't exactly a five star hotel around here."

"Oh John, sometimes I wonder why I love you."

"Well I could show you one of the reason right now if you let me."

"Haha. Ass. I still haven't forgotten what you did to my favorite sushi bar."

"Well technically, those fish had it coming."

"Oh yes, those fish were certainly indoctrinated Reaper spies John. Good thing you crashed through their base of operations."

She giggled, and kissed me sweetly on the lips. He laugh if I haven't mentioned it already was pretty cute. And by pretty cute I mean really, really cute.

"Yeah you know me, the bitches never seen it coming."

"Ha, oh just kiss me you blabbering fool. You gave me such a worry…"

"Hey stop that, im here now. Forever and always as promised. Speaking of forever-"

"SHEPARDDDD."

Aw shit.

"SHEPARDD. BATTLEMASTER!"

Grunt rushed over to me and Miranda instinctively knew to back out of the way, she knew of his enthusiasm and I'm really not sure why I didn't expect this. He picked me up and almost broke me in half all over again, and Leviathan wasn't gonna come back and patch me up.

"Woah, hey. Ha, I guess Dr Michele told you I was all good."

"I told them all nothing could kill you. Now they all owe me 234553 barrels of Ryncol, hehehe."

That signature laugh, classic Grunt, right there.

"Forgive this old friend for interrupting and for disobeying an order but, you know better than to not have me somewhere close behind."

"Garrus! How the hell did you-"

He held up a hand," Turns out that Grunt and Wrex needed some real Turian firepower, so being the gentleman I am I had to help them out."

"Haha, you bastard. I'm glad you're here."

"As am I. Beyond words."

We reached out and gave a brotherly embrace to each other. A testament to all we've been through.

"What?! Hey, in my defence, Garrus came and mopped up only two bodies. Of course I had to show him and the whelp here that age and experience brings more kills."

"But not all the barrels of Ryncol you all owe me!"

"Ah whatever whelp, I'll still out drink your ass."

"Wrex, c'mon even a human like me will out you on your ass when it comes to drinks."

"Ha! Okay John clearly you did hear me when I said you were more Krogan than Human but you're still Human."

A good natured joke, and I took it well. But really though, was I still human?

"Anyone else here?"

"Well we got in contact with everyone else on the Normandy and out of it. Those that are here on Earth will be here shortly to see you. Those on the Normandy well, they're kinda stranded in those pyjak infested Terminus Systems. But they said they'll be here in a couple days, they're on their way now."

"Right, okay. Anything else I need to know?"

"You bet Admiral."

Hackett walked through the door in his normal officer outfit, but hold on wait what?

"Admiral?"

"Its official Admiral Shepard, every high ranking officer in Alliance Navy confirmed it. It's the least that we could do."

"Wow, its really an honor, Sir."

"Oh no, for once lets skip formalities John. Besides, it appears as though I'm moving on from the Alliance."

"Hm? I couldn't imagine that. What changed?"

"Humanity has no rep on the council, so I've been elected to fill that role."

"You sure about this Steven?"

"Not really… Now I know how David felt. Speaking of, where is he?"

Goddamnit. I could feel the anger and guilt rushing back.

"He uh… Didn't make it Steven. The Illusive Man.."

"No need, I assume they were both on the Citadel with you."

"Mhm."

"Im sorry John, we'll conduct a ceremony for him tomorrow outside this hospital, we'll also hold his funeral in the cemetery behind the hospital. It'll all at 1300 hours tomorrow."

"You know I'll be there."

"I do, I'll leave you all to your business, I'm damn glad you made it out Shepard. And you can also believe I'm proud of you, proud of you all in fact.

Miri gave me a kiss and affectionately hugged my arm.

"Same here Steven. Or should I say Councilor."

"Ha, good day Admiral Shepard."

"Good day Councilor Hackett."

We saluted each other and he departed.

"Now everyone, I'm sure you all have questions so let's just go grab a drink and I'll explain it all."

Everyone nodded in agreement and walked out the door, Grunt was first out so he could hurry to claim his Ryncol. Miranda and I held hands along the way, she looked happier than ever and me? Well I needed a good shower and a change of clothes, but most importantly…

FINALLY I GET A DAMN DRINK.


	7. Reveal

**8. Reveal**

On the way over to the nearest intact bar that we could find, Jack radioed in and said she'd be on her way over to celebrate with us. Jacob said that he would be on his way too, after making sure his fiancée and the other scientists were well situated. Samara said she would come as well, along with a few of her fellow Justicars. I heard the Normandy was stuck in the Terminus Systems but is currently en route to Earth. It was pleasing to hear that they were all okay, and Jack said that a few of her students Rodriguez and Prangley saved her life with an unbelievably powerful biotic barrier which she claimed had disintegrated a horde of foolish husks that tried to rush through it. Zaeed was of course boasting of his deeds during battle, like how he tore the head clean off a Reaper Brute. This prompted Wrex and Grunt to go back and forth about how many Brutes they picked apart piece by piece. Garrus started to go on about how he downed a Harvester with a perfect shot when he came to assist them. This in turn made Kasumi and Miranda scold us on how "Boys will be boys and yap about their toys." This insulted me because I thought Miranda liked to hear my pre-mission rundown over my guns.

"If you could shoot down that Harvesta', then how come you couldn't shoot down that gunship before it gave you those?"

"I'll give you that Zaeed but half of your face just contradicted what you just said."

"Ha! Not bad bird man."

Garrus never understood why humans thought turians resembled the birds from Earth, more precisely, the prehistoric Pterodactyls. I told him that it was a First Contact War type of thing, since we didn't know much about the turians, it was safe to assume that they looked like huge "bird men".

I figured I would wait a little bit before I mentioned what happened on the Citadel and everything after, at least get everyone together so I wouldn't have to tell everyone twice.

"Uhh, how long until the Normandy reaches Earth?" I interjected.

"About a day and a half. Why?" Miranda asked knowing there was a bigger purpose behind my question.

"Well, its just I imagined there must be a lot of questions and I'd rather tell the story when everyone gets here."

"Well I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to tell the story twice. What happened up there exactly?" Curiosity killed the cat guys.

"Well… I made it to the beam but I was severely injured. The blast almost tore me to pieces." I winced at the memory, I may not be a drell but I could recall that day with perfect memory. My voice was growing huskier, and I lowered my tone, hoping my visible dissatisfaction with retelling the story so soon would convince everyone to give up on it. The looks on everyone's faces were sympathetic but clearly sent a message saying, "I'm sorry that happened but keep going." Even Jack seemed a little unsettled at such a story, Garrus' mandibles twitched and he sat forward in his chair, Miranda laid a supportive hand on my back, Zaeed's puffing of his cigar stopped for a second showing his sudden interest, while the Krogan were sitting awfully giddily in their chairs. This must have registered to them as an epic war story that I could've told them before bedtime like a lullaby. Kasumi was leaning into Jacob, not in a flirty way, but as if seeking comfort, like she lived through the experience with me. I picked up my tone and continued reluctantly.

"There were bodies everywhere, and charred imprints where bodies used to be. Allies and Reaper forces alike just scattered everywhere. If you could ever imagine a sight that closely resembled anything close to death or hell for that matter, you would of found it there. I got up, my stomach felt like it had a hole in it, and my pistol was downright melded to my armor. The firing chamber was fucked and the thermal clip was poking out from its heat sink container so I threw it away and picked up a fresh one from a dying soldier. I recognized him from a battalion of resistance fighters that Anderson led personally. He was barely 23, his birthday was just last week…"

I sighed and continued; damn this was harder than I thought…

"Well I pressed on and killed a few leftover husks but then one of those marauder things popped and shot me in the shoulder." I gestured over to where the wound had been just days before. "I killed it but I was barely able to hold my gun, thankfully the beam was pretty much in my face so I walked into it and it teleported me to the very tip of the citadel, somewhere I never knew existed on the station honestly. My radios were kinda busted but the implants in my ear were able to augment the signal so I was able to communicate with Anderson…"

_Citadel- 1500 Hours Approximate_

"Hello? Shepard? Are you there? God John, answer!"

"Yeah… I'm here, where are you?"

"Somewhere ahead of you, it transported me somewhere else than it did with you, don't ask how but at least you're not far from me. I'm at what seems to be a console of some sort, this must be the key to firing the Crucible!"

"Alright, stay right there, I- I'm coming."

"Okay Shepard, but what do you see right now?"

"There's bodies everywhere. I've never been to this part of the Citadel. I never knew this even existed. It's so damn dark too."

"Yeah, sounds a little familiar, I got transported somewhere dark, and nasty too. What have the Reapers been doing up here?"

It wasn't a question, more like a horrifying affirmation that the Reapers were about to win. They were cooking something we weren't ready for, and it had to be stopped _now. _I had to get moving; I willed my body against its limits and pressed forward, struggling to keep balance. I couldn't ignore the sound of something shifting all around me, and I swiveled my head on my neck to try and see where the sound was originating from but to my shock, it was the Citadel walls that were shifting around to form a new corridor! The same dark hallway I progressed down was now lit, illuminating the horror that was asleep in the very nooks of its corners. The bodies were still, but the grim eerie light emanating off the corpses almost seemed to make the dark mix-matched multi-species blood glow. Asari bodies were on top of salarian, salarian bodies were on top of elcor, and the weight of the elcor were slowly crushing the enviro-suits of fallen volus. It was a gory sight, and one that I would have given everything to forget but there was no time to mourn.

"The walls, they're moving!"

"Yeah, I'm looking back and I see a particular part of the walls forming into some sort of passageway, I think that's should be you. Shepard! Can you see me?"

I look behind me, my eyes were unaccustomed to this new light and I brought my arm to shield my eyes from the sudden change in brightness. I could make a figure at the top of the stars waving its arm at me, Anderson.

"Yeah I see you, hold on let me make out my surroundings."

"There's a staircase right in front of you that'll lead to my position."

"I see it, on my way."

The staircase he mentioned was none like any I seen before. The steps were forming as I climbed upwards, each new step forming after the old one I stepped on. The steps never lost pace, and moved quick enough so that I never outmaneuvered them. I felt like I was being guided, like I was a lost soul and I was being led back home by a higher power.

"Almost there Anderson."

"Hurry-"

For a second it sounded like he got cut off, but by what is the mystery. I was too groggy to worry about it at the moment, my main objective was to climb this excruciatingly long flight of stairs. Just when I felt like I had enough, the steps stopped materializing and I realized that my mind was playing tricks on me, or something was seriously screwing with me. Either way, it was clear that whoever or whatever it was that fucked with my mind, wanted to watch the ensuing confrontation between me and Anderson, against the Illusive Man.

_Back to Present_

"Bastards, the Reapers, the Illusive Man, all this hell that they caused." Jacob growled, clenching his fists, unable to hold back the anger and disappointment he felt for ever enlisting with Cerberus, and having any kind of connection with the Illusive Man. His former Cerberus comrade, Miranda was still comforting me with her hand on my back, rubbing it in small circles. She was calm, as I always knew her to be.

"Damn Cerberus, you can never trust em for shit. They turned their backs on humanity and even you, shoulda known they'd come back to bite us in the ass again." Jack was angry, but not as angry as Jacob surprisingly, she had her arms folded, and she was shaking her head while listening to the story. Old wounds were opening up at the mention of Cerberus' involvement in the end, everyone remembering how they were wronged by the organization at some point or another.

"Yeah, well that isn't even the half of it… The Illusive Man was convinced he could control the Reapers, that he could "fix" the galaxy and reshape it as he deemed fit. With the Reapers under his full control of course. Humanity as he dreamed it, would have been at the top of galactic importance, and under his rule, he wouldn't let any race usurp that top spot. He was indoctrinated of course, barely human anymore. He was like Saren in that he outfitted himself with Reaper tech but unlike him, I couldn't convince him to do the job for me."

"Yeah, I remember that real well." Garrus twitched his mandibles as he of all people knew what I meant, he was there when I convinced Saren to put a bullet in his head. Saren wasn't as far gone as the Illusive Man, even though both were under Reaper control, I was still able to reach out to him and tell him how much of a puppet he was. He agreed with me, pulled out his pistol, and shot himself in the head. However, the Reaper cybernetics that he outfitted himself with were called in to play by none other than Sovereign, and I had to do battle with a resurrected Saren, completely devoid of his turian physiology however. He looked more like one of the Geth class "Stalkers" but he burned with a red "aura" and moved far quicker than anything I had seen at that time. I continued on with my story, eager to get it over with.

"Right well, as I said, he was too far gone under Reaper control, and he… ***Sighs*** controlled me to shoot Anderson…"

Heads shot up in surprise, some were cocked to side, but the faces shared the same shocked expression. None had guessed that was how Anderson died, they all assumed he died in some sort of battle sometime before or after I got through the beam. I never talked about it until now, but everyone knew whatever happened up there had disturbed me greatly. I've only been up for a few hours now and my head was starting to throb at the terrible memories flooding my mind once more.

"Apparently he picked up a thing or two from the Reapers on indoctrination, albeit on a lesser level but it was just enough to compel organics to do his_ bidding_." I couldn't help but grit my teeth and ball my fists as I put emphasis on the last word. My biotics started to flare and I could feel the crimson in my eyes raging against my eyelids as I closed them, whilst lowering and shaking my head at the memory. Miranda's hand lifted off my back as she took this as a sign to give me space, the last thing I wanted to do was lash out against anyone. But I couldn't help but feel so goddamn angry!

"He made me shoot Anderson in the gut, and he was about to gloat over me some more until he finally got the bright idea to whip out a pistol of his own to finish me off. I don't know how but I broke free from his control and fired mines first."

I seen the looks on everyone's faces, a mix of sorrow, sympathy, anger, and a small hint of fear. I've been told that when I'm angry, the crimson in my eyes becomes a fire and the blue of my biotics rage on through my body almost resembling lightning. I definitely didn't want to scare my friends so I unclenched my fists, and allowed my hand to clasp my forehead, I was exhausted just retelling the story.

"Shepard, no matter what you might think of yourself after that day, nothing is gonna make me think any different of the man in front of me right now. On that suicide mission when I joined you from Cerberus I knew somewhere in my mind that you were gonna pull through like you always have, and damn it I was right. You pulled through not once, not even twice, but three times. And it damn sure won't be the last time you'll pull through in your life. We're all damn proud of you Shepard."

"Yeah… Thanks Jake… I just, I don't know I need a little time. There's more to this story but I'll get to it soon enough. I'm just happy you guys are here, and that we're here at the bar sharing drinks again. Here's to us."

"Cheers"

"Cheers"

"Cheers"

As if a spell was lifted, the mood changed instantly back to cheery and happy go-lucky. It's amazing what the power of alcohol can do to the soul. I decided it was time for me to pack it in and get a good nights sleep, so I said goodnight to the others and prepared to set on my way. Of course, I knew tonight wasn't gonna be a lonely night, as a certain ebony-haired Australian found her hands clasped in my mines while I walked out.

"Should've known you wouldn't settle for the afterparty."

"I only settle for the best, didn't I tell you once before?"

"Oh yes, but I'll have you know we won't be sleeping on the engineering deck this time."

"Ass."

"The best things never change."

"You know I was going to ask how you went from your previous state in the E.R. back to normal but there is one other thing I've got my mind and hands on right now." She stopped me and pushed me lightly to the wall outside the bar and seductively graced her hand down my crotch, she had an erotic gleam in her eye and I instantly picked up on it.

"Hm, guess you aren't going to miss the afterparty after all."

"Haha, guess not."

We concluded the exchange with a long kiss, as I pushed myself off the wall and allowed my hands to roam around her body, caressing her curves, taking in the feeling of her warmth. It's been far too long since us to actually settle down for a bit with no high priority mission to complete right away. The last time we were able to feel like this was after we completed the suicide mission, we hadn't had a high priority assignment for about a month and we took this a sign to relax and "enjoy" each other. We stayed in my cabin for about a week, only coming out to get food and to move the rest of her stuff from her quarters into mine. It was the best week of my life, and in that week she surprised me with the infamous 3 words: "I love you". I fell in complete surrender to the words coming from her lips. They ignited something far greater than what I could ever feel for another, something far greater than what I felt for Ashley and Liara combined. "And I love you" is what I managed to mutter as she willed herself on top of me and connected her lips with mine, her midnight colored hair drooping over on the right side of her face, brushing against the left side of mine. We resumed our fierce lovemaking for about a couple hours and fell asleep.

Thinking back on that night, I expected this kiss I was experiencing from her in present time to be just a dream, another vivid memory. I opened my eyes to expect nothing but a cold wall, but I was pleased to see it was the genetically gifted raven-haired woman still in my arms. I closed my eyes again and returned her hard passionate kisses with more of my own and I swooped her up in my arms, and carried her to our designated tent. Right now, there's no place else I'd rather be…

_AN: Okay, I changed the direction of my story because I felt things were progressing awfully forced, I made Shepard more reluctant to accept his gift, and I'm going to ease into Leviathans 12 week deadline that Shepard was given. Keep in mind that my Shep is renegade, and the sequence of events that will occur in these next 3 months will bring out the best and the worst in his character. _


	8. The Truth Is

_8. __**The Truth Is….**_

_Normandy, 800 Hours, ETA to Earth 5 Hours_

_These damn scars keep on piling on._ Garrus thought as applied more medi-gel to his newest addition to the scar collection on his face. A husk had managed to get close to almost tearing his face off back on Earth when he helped Shepard hold off their position by the missile batteries from enemy forces. It was a long grueling battle and while it wasn't exactly close quarters, the sheer numbers of Reaper forces were simply pouring in way too fast for even Garrus to keep track of through the scope of his Raptor. The semi-automatic weapon's fire rate was a terror on its own, and it certainly had range, along with the extended barrel upgrade Garrus put on it to add a little extra punch, but the enemy came from all directions. He had to keep his head on a swivel, watching not only his back, but Shepard and Javik's as well.

"Hold this position! We got reinforcements on their way in less than 2 minutes."

Sure to anyone else 2 minutes isn't a long time, but any true battle-tested soldier knows that 2 minutes would be like 2 hours in a firefight, or any fight for that matter. In those 2 minutes, a husk had gotten farther than any other husk before it. Landing a claw on Garrus while his attention was on his teammates, leaving him vulnerable and at its mercy. Of course, Garrus could handle his own, and was mighty resourceful. Just as the husk rushed Garrus and brought him down from behind, Garrus lifted his right knee up to create some distance in anticipation of the husk trying to full-mount him to finish the job, he then brought his left arm up to the fiend's scrawny neck to further prevent it from attacking with its jaws, his right hand bringing up his Phalanx and shooting it into the beast's ribcage about 5 times before shoving the carcass of him. Seeing how easily his position was compromised he shouldered the sniper and holstered his pistol then brought out his customized Lancer rifle and linked up with the rest of the team. He could feel a burning sensation above the scar that already ravaged the right side of his face, and thought to himself, _damn, it got me good. _He shrugged off the pain and took cover, his gunfire in sync with the rest of the team.

He lets out a sigh as he finishes his calibrations for the moment, and heads off to Liara's cabin. The Asari called him moments ago and asked to speak with him. Of course he accepted and told her he'd be on his way. He nodded to a few of the crewmembers passing through the mess hall and turned right towards Liara's door. He walked on through and was immediately greeted by Glyph, Liara's personal VI helper.

"Greetings Mr. Vakarian! Dr. T'soni is expecting you."

"Yeah, thanks Glyph. Where exactly is she?"

"Right here, thank you Glyph, a moment please."

"Of course Dr. T'soni, good day Mr. Vakarian."

A moment later and the cheery VI disappeared further into Liara's room.

"Garrus, I'm glad you're here, I have something I wished to hear your input on."

"Sure thing, what's on your mind Liara?"

"Well, it's less about me and more about Ashley to be frank. Have you noticed how her behavior has certainly… changed?"

"Of course, I would think everyone's spirits would be raised. I mean it's not everyday you win a war against a super advanced race of sentient machines."  
The both exchanged a laugh and while Liara was relieved to hear another of the turian's jokes, humor wasn't what she wanted from him at the moment.

"Point taken, however, you remember how she reacted to hearing about how… Well… You know, Shepard and the beam?"

"Yeah… She was a mess, she thought he was dead. Like all of us who seen what happened down there."

"You and I have known her for a while, and we know of her and Shepard's history. It's only natural that she react the way she did. But Now that we know he's alive, its as if the war never happened with her. And you know of John and Miranda…"

"What are you getting at?"

"Ashley has always been vocal, her and John have butted heads a lot in the past month or so, and from what I can tell, it's still over their unsolved issues. You remember what John said about what he would do after all this?"

"Yeah, he wanted to bring Miranda back on board to see if he can get her some experience with the Alliance so they'll consider pardoning her and even getting her a "XO position" on the Normandy." Garrus used air quotes for this, he knew of Shepard's true intentions for having Miranda on board. It would be 7 months ago all over again. This time, no one would see those two for about a whole month rather a week.

"Yes and of course Ashley will complicate those plans. Ever since she found out about him and Miranda, she became so apprehensive towards him. I fear that we we'll be caught in the crossfire."

"Haha, yeah, it's gonna be a long couple of months ahead of us. I heard she's with him on Earth right now, that she was apart of the med-evac team that found him."  
"Garrus."

"What?"

"Ashley heard that too."

"Oh right, so that's why she was pissed off yesterday."

"Yes but it seems her happiness has been restored. Maybe she's found a way to get rid of Ms. Lawson once and for all."

Once again the two old friends shared laughs together, and a short moment of silence before Garrus resumed.

"What about you Liara."

"What about me?"  
"C'mon, you really think he didn't tell me?"

"What about?"

"You know what I mean."

"I certainly don't." Liara started to blush a little, or in this case, turn a deeper shade of blue than normal. She instantly knew what he was alluding to, as she thought of the moment between them often, especially once she learned of his survival.

"Oh Garrus…"

"Yep."

"That was months ago. I-I hadn't…"

"Ha, calm down it's okay. No one else knows. Look I've always known about you two, figured there was more to the post-mission _Embrace Eternity!_ In fact, I was kind of rooting for you two." He cuffed his hand and leaned towards her as he spoke the last sentence, in a mock whisper. His mandibles flickering in a turian version of a smile. Liara couldn't help but lighten up a bit, smiling as she took a seat, and gestured to another, ushering her friend to take one as well. He obliged, and was surprised when Liara opened a cabinet and brought out some vintage Thessian dark blue wine from the human First Contact period. It was a rarity, and was mostly favored by the asari and turian upper-class. The flavor is said to be very unhealthy to humans, and can ruin the kidneys in the first 4 sips. Of course, Thessian dark blue win has been brewed for humans to enjoy, Quarians are also now known to favor the prestigious wine brand.

"Didn't take you for a drinker Liara."

"How else do I deal with you all?"

"Hah, very fair."

"To be honest Garrus, my feelings for Shepard will never come between his for another. I couldn't do what Ashley did to him, he was devastated after Horizon, I could see it in his eyes, and when we kissed that night, I melded with him. He didn't know it because I didn't want to peer into his entire mind, only on the memory that troubled him the most. He was never the emotional type, the Fire of Torfan is what they call him. We both know he is just a man, he has feelings like any other and for him to put them on such a display, it was truly heartbreaking. After all I went through to get him back, and seing him so vulnerable that day, I couldn't help myself, and neither could he. I dare not to speak of it, let alone to Ashley. Not out of fear, but because she is my friend, and I respect Shepard too much to open up about something we both mutally agreed depended on his willingness to talk about."

"I hear you, I also know about everything you two have been through, during that time he wasn't exactly lost but he's never been hurt or rejected like that. He's used to bullets not emotions. I never seen him cry once, but Horizon was rough for him, and I think you helped piece him back together, even if it was just a kiss, it was enough Liara. You made Shepard feel something for someone after Horizon. He told me in the shuttle back to the Normandy after his fight with Ash and he told me, "Never again." Well, I guess you made him think twice."

"Yes, I steered him towards Miranda."

"No, not even close. You both acted on emotions, Shepard tried to turn his off but you made him think twice. You can't force someone like Shepard out of a decision once he's made his mind up, but you did."

"Then why Miranda Garrus?"

"Well, I don't know. She was with him during that entire mission, and you were caught up in that whole Shadow Broker business. Sure he helped out with that but you both had different duties to attend to."

"Yes… About that…"

"Oh spirits Liara, did you guys-"

"NO! Well… Yes.."

"Wow."

"He didn't tell you?"

"Nope. Wow."

"I know, the worse part is, I didn't feel bad about it for a while."

"So now you do?"

"Honestly, no, he was as the humans say it, "single" and so was I. He's the only one I've ever been with you see."

"I can see your concerns with Ashley."

"Yes, if Williams ever found out, she would personally place my name on the Memorial Wall."

"Hah, Well John is bringing Miranda on board so you'll have someone taking the bullets for you for a while."

"Oh Goddess, I don't even want to think about it. Come to think of it, I do feel really guilty now. Or maybe that's just the wine."

"Liara, everyone has feelings, doesn't matter the race you are. Love well, it's love. You can't control it, I mean, you and him melded minds and got so close. That is a big deal, in a way you became a big part of him. You guys shared something that can't just be duplicated. So hey, I certainly can't say I'm shocked that one thing led to another." Garrus took a big sip out of his glass, finishing what was left, he set the cup down, and Liara poured him another cup before taking a big sigh.

"I suppose you're right Garrus, thank you for the talk, I greatly appreciated your company." She gave him a friendly smile and she took another sip of her wine.

"Yep, anytime Liara. Thank you for the drinks, I haven't had this flavor in forever. I better get going anyways, Tali is expecting me." Garrus gets up and nods to Liara, who nods back.

"Of course Garrus, tell Tali I said hello by the way."

And with that it was just Liara in her room. She sighs again and makes her way over to her bed. She calls Glyph over and soon enough the cheery blue spherical VI makes his way over.

"Glyph, can you take over for me for a while? I'm going to get some rest."

"Of course Dr. T'soni, right away."

"Thank you Glyph."

Liara changes into a comfortable black asari satin night gown, tossing her signature white and blue armored coat aside. She reached over behind the nightstand and found the giant stuffed bear that Shepard had gotten her some weeks ago on the Citadel. Liara knew just how deep her and Shepard have gotten, and sure neither of them were in a relationship at the time, and it was only natural for two people with strong feelings for each other to get together, especially considering how one of them were dead for two years. But she couldn't help but feel terrible after the talk with Garrus about what happened with Shepard. She had her mind on her new role as the Shadow Broker and helping out with the war that she never really gave the repercussions much thought. She always knew she was in love with Shepard, and she knew it was the same with him too. But as always, there was another woman there to steal him away from her. Her face turned in disgust as the thought crossed her mind, she quickly dismissed it once the stuffed bear came into her arms. The look of disgust was replaced with a warm smile as thought of the man who gave her the bear in the first place.


End file.
